We’re really good at talking ourselves out of doing the “right” thing when it comes to getting outside of our comfort zone.
That’s why we order a pizza instead of cooking roasting chicken and veggies for dinner.
That’s why we choose to watch another Friends re-run instead of working out for the 3rd time this week?
That’s why we don’t apply for our dream job and stay where we are because applying for jobs is a lot of work and “I probably won’t get it anyway.”
I’m right there with you!
For years I said I didn’t have time to start my online business because I was working too much. #LAME. Even though I knew I wanted it, I put the brakes on and did everything but get started.
I did the same thing when I wanted to switch from full time to part time at work. I dragged my feet for MONTHS until I finally pulled the trigger and gave my notice.
The one thing that helped push me over the line of staying where I was comfortable (yet also feeling stressed, unhappy and victimy (aka feeling ‘stuck’)) was finding people to hold me accountable to my goals.
For my business, I signed up for a year-long business mentorship program including two coaches and 70+ women who I can ask any question to no matter how silly I think it might be.
In terms of leaving my job, my boyfriend asked me almost daily about giving my notice. Did I give it yet? Why not? How did I feel knowing I was almost done? While there were times that I just didn’t want to even think about it, had he not pushed me I’m not so sure I would have taken the leap and I’m so glad I did.
Ultimately it was my choice to ACT and DO, but having people there to push me along when I feel stuck has been unbelievably imperative to my success.
It’s only natural that when we’re trying to make a lifestyle change, we choose the path of least resistance. Doing what’s comfortable keeps you safe, and if you’re safe, why bother taking a risk, making a change, branching out and going for what you want?
BECAUSE IT’S SO MUCH BETTER ON THE OTHER SIDE!
But it’s hard to do it alone, isn’t it? You can talk your friend’s ear off about your goals, you can journal it, you can think about it, you can dream about it, but until you actually ACT, nothing will happen.
What you need is a really strong accountability partner and I’m telling you exactly what that looks like below.
1. They actually hold you accountable.
You need someone who when you text them and say “I REALLY want pizza and don’t want to cook this chicken and veggies” they’ll remind you of your goal, why you set it in the first place and what the best choice will be. Ultimately the decision is yours, but your accountability partner won’t let you off the hook so easily.
2. They don’t tell you only what you want to hear but they also don’t make you feel badly about yourself if you slip up.
Let’s say your goal is to the gym 4 times each week. At the end of week 3 you have gone to the gym twice. When your accountability partner asks you how your week was and you tell them you exercises 2 out of 4 times because you were stressed/didn’t have time/just couldn’t get yourself to the gym, they won’t just say “That’s ok! You were tired!” They’ll give you a swift kick in the butt (with love) and remind you again of your goal, why you set it in the first place and can help you troubleshoot for next week. If they’re REALLY good they’ll get off their butt too and go to the gym with you asap!
3. Respects and supports your goals.
If you’ve ever gone out to dinner with your friends after telling them you’re trying to lose weight, you’ve probably been in the situation where someone will pressure you to have just one drink because “It won’t hurt. Live a little.” Your accountability partner needs to respect your goals. They can’t be putting cookies on your desk or teasing you about not having a drink at dinner. Your accountability partner needs to support you and be on board with you 100%
4. They reassure you that you’re not alone.
Empathy is HUGE when it comes to finding an accountability partner. If you tell your accountability partner that you’re struggling with not getting to the gym and they say “Just get up and go. How hard can it be? Stop being lazy” soon following that will be shame, embarrassment and guilt all pointing their finger at you. Instead what your accountability partner can do is say something like “Ugh. I know. I’ve been there. Last week I signed up for a morning class at the gym but I didn’t go and I didn’t even cancel my reservation. I did end up going later that night though. Just put your sneakers on and go for it.” A little empathy goes a LONG way when it comes to staying on track with our goals.
Lifestyle changes, especially when it comes to fat loss, can be a really touchy and personal thing. You might not want to ask your partner to hold you accountable because it feels like they’re being judgmental or critical when they check in with you. You might not want to ask your best friend because they don’t understand your goals or where you’re coming from. If you don’t know who you would ask to be your accountability partner, I have good news for you.